Amel Karboul

Part 2: Family comes first

For a long time Arabs lived in nomadic tribal systems that enabled them to survive in tough natural conditions and to cope with often unfriendly if not hostile interests of groups competing for the limited availability of vital resources. To maintain this system, a strict patriarchal hierarchical authority was needed to protect the collective interests. Individual ideas or decisions always took low priority compared with tribal norms. Many Arab states can still be compared with a confederation of tribes; today it is still possible to find many states that are ruled by large families or tribes or groups from a certain region. Individuality is discouraged and its development should not threaten the authority of the leader. However, collectivism is not just the result of the ancient tribal history. It is also a result of the failure of states to take responsibility for their citizens’ survival. In most western countries, there are unemployment, health care and many other social and welfare packages. In most Arab countries working couples rely on their family or clan for these services. ‘My mother or my mother-in-law often come and take care of the children while we are working,’ ‘My parents gave us a parcel of land to build our house and helped my husband find a job’ are typical comments you hear across the region. Men and older members of the family are supposed to take care of the well-being of all other family members. This implies again a strong hierarchical structure within these clans.

Why use the word ‘clan’ instead of family? In western countries family often means couples with children. In Arab countries family includes many generations, including what might be considered distant cousins in the West. A family holiday has different meanings: you can end up in a big house with over 20 people around. This results in a high degree of closeness. ‘Everybody knows and supports everybody.’ It also results in strong interdependence between individual decisions and the well-being of the collective. A Jordanian woman entrepreneur shared the following: ‘I married an American. But I wanted my family to agree. It took me many years, but I would never have married him without my parents’ consent. I know that our marriage would not have been a happy one since I would always be missing their blessing.’

Again we should not forget that there is a high diversity within the Arab world. Countries like Tunisia or Lebanon are less authoritarian and less collective than Saudi Arabia or Libya. You will find single working mothers or young couples who want or have to take care of their own lives with no family support. Levels of urbanisation, educational background and high income are variables that increase the level of individualism in the Arab world.

Implications for coaching

• Coaches who work with clients with an Arab or any other collective cultural background should pay special attention to understanding the status of that client in the family or clan. An analysis of the context, relationships, dependencies and social class background is critical. The relationship of your client with his or her family or group may seem to you submissive and ‘unhealthy’. You may want to push your client to stand up more for him- or herself and seek independence. This approach is likely to result in greater conflict and open wounds. A better strategy is to find out about the client’s level of collectivism and develop coping strategies that will work within that context.
• The authoritarian culture implies a strong hierarchical leadership style. Murad, head of HR from Kuwait: ‘You don’t find leadership here, it’s all about management, controlling and using your own power to get things done. Concepts like empowerment are new here … Furthermore, directors would refuse to take part in a programme that includes soft skills like communication or conflict. They think if they are directors then they know it all and are afraid their authority may suffer if they went on such a course or took coaching.’ An executive from Syria stated: ‘I cannot say no to my chairman. I expect my employees to deliver what I ask them to do. Why would they need personal development? They just need to do what I ask them to do!’ Coaches using assessment tools like 360-degree questionnaires need to know that responses are influenced by this attitude. We did use a 360-degree feedback tool in a Saudi corporation; the results were not 100% accurate since all employees rated their bosses as good or very good in each item. Even if confidentiality was promised and guaranteed by a third party institute, people felt reluctant to give their honest opinion because they were afraid that it might somehow become public knowledge.
• Arab leaders expect a coach to give them advice, which is why they look for seniority and business experience. They may be frustrated by a purely non-directive approach in coaching. They have questions and problems and want you to give them the answers. A common transference reaction in a coaching context happens when a client unconsciously expects you to play the role of the patriarch or parent who has all the answers.
• A slow but steady transition is, however, taking place in the Arab business world. Many young executives have a different approach to leadership and are themselves frustrated about not being heard by the most senior leaders. As a coach you can help them turn that frustration to more productive use.

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